Processing The Steps

I owe the steps that I have taken in the last week to a couple things.  A very special and emotional blessing gave me the comfort I needed to start to heal.

I get it.  I get that some people are giving me my space.  I also get that those who are checking on me either daily or weekly are extending the hand I so desperately need.  This week has at least been full of distractions as I worked 6 days and had little time to be thinking about primary.  I smiled this week which was new for me in several weeks.  That felt nice.  I am so thankful for the unexpected people who sent me messages this week.  Some very personal that it made me feel at peace with my feelings.

My current struggles are with a certain few people who I actually did expect a text or call from.  That stings a lot.  Clearly the relationship that I thought we had was not anything merely than either convenience or need. That's ok.  Really.  I am still new to this and now at least know what to expect the next time.  I just think of myself on the other side and know that I would never be the one to just walk away and not let them know I am thinking about them or care about what they are going thru.  But I suppose I shouldn't have expected that in the first place.

I am now thinking if it will be awkward for me, probably not them, when I pass them in the hallway.  How will I let that go.  I suppose just like the pain, those hurtful feelings will dissipate as well.

I also have been thinking how to even handle a new calling when it comes.  I don't want to be like this every time I have a calling.  I just hope that this process eases the next.  I know from everything we grow and understand things that are prepared for us.  Fingers crossed.