I would speak to "macktroll" via chat and phone for 5 weeks before we decided to meet in person. Never exchanging a photo I drove to his house (yes a bit crazy) on Mother's Day 1999. He walks into the living room to see me tapping on his fish tank. "macktroll" was a real person and his name was Russ. From the moment he saw me, he knew I was the one. Well, that is how I would like to think it was but it was not really that way.
We would "see each other" because Russ didn't "date". I knew about October 1999 that this was the man of my life. We spent nearly every day together and as the days went on my heart was falling in love. Occasionally I would slip and say the "L" word when we would say our goodbyes but I would quickly hang up hoping he didn't hear it. Women really want the man to say it first so we don't see like a stalker, right! Russ would also consistently tell me that he wasn't the marrying type and he could not have children because of a brain aneurysm that he had while playing college football. I insist that is not what I am looking for either but honestly hadn't given it much thought to this point in our relationship.
In December 1999, we went to a New Years Eve party at one of his friends house. When the clock stuck midnight, he would lean over to me and whisper in my ear "Erika, I love you"! I was in such shock, I couldn't even say it back. Well of course after we celebrate with a gentle kiss, I then return the I love you's back. I knew leaving that night that this would be the man I would marry. And of course, I kept that to myself, duh!
On January 20, 2000, I would wake with an ear infection. I have had many my whole life so this should be nothing different. I went to a quick care, gave them my long ear history and they discharged me with antibiotics which I have taken many times before. I would start my first dose after dinner, another before bed.
I would wake on January 21, 2000, walk to the bathroom because something didn't feel right. I take a glance in the mirror and I am shocked to see my eyes swollen shut, hives everywhere on my body, and I noticed a little difficulty breathing, I call Russ at work and tell him something is really wrong and he needs to take me back to the urgent care. Russ would arrive to pick me up and the shocked look on his face because mine was really unrecognizable.
We check back into the quick care and they see the urgency in our faces. We are taken back to a room, where a doctor comes in to evaluate what could have happened. He confirms that I have taken this medication before and I verify. He then tells me that they want to load me with steroids to hurry and open up my airway. He states "we have to do a quick pregnancy test to make sure before we give you the steroids." I laugh and say, "we can not have children so no need." He of course tell me that they need to cover themselves and run it anyways.
10 minutes later he would walk in the room and say "Well you must be having a reaction to the medication because of the baby." My jaw dropped, I immediately look at Russ and begin to cry. Russ asks the doctor to please give us a few minutes. The door shuts. I am crying hysterically by this time and Russ consoles me. I get treated with different medication and am discharged. As I get in the car I vomit in the parking lot. Yes, nice visual huh! We were pregnant? How is this possible? We would soon find out that my due date was on my birthday!
Valentine's Day 2000, we would have a great dinner and then would return to his home. He would sit me down and then his kneeling then followed. He gently took my hand and spoke few words but words that you only need to hear once. "Erika, will you merry me?" First, I have a blank stare and didn't even say yes. My words were actually "You aren't asking me because I am pregnant are you?" He laughs and reassures me that he had this planned prior to us finding out we were pregnant. We embrace and here our journey continues.
I would be horribly sick my entire pregnancy, having hyperemesis gravidum. I would be hospitalized 6 times for just a day or two at a time to get fluids and lab work. I would then start seeing a high risk Dr as well as my regular OB. Weekly monitoring of fluid levels and heartbeats. Was an intense and very physically draining pregnancy.
On June 17, 2000 Russ and I were married in a small event at my parent's home. It was just perfect and was easy with being preggo.
July 7, 2000, I would go for a routine appointment to my OB. They do a urine test and some lab work and send me immediately over to the hospital to be admitted for renal and liver failure. On complete bed rest and not able to leave the hospital this time to ho home, it would be a very long ordeal. They soon started regular lab tests twice a day, then it was up to three times a day. I would be started on a magnesium drip along with constant fluids about July 15, 2000. As anyone who has had magnesium will know, it is awful. It makes you feel awful, you feel like doing nothing except sleeping. But it was the only hope of keeping the baby in as long as possible.
About July 22, my Dr would tell me that she is not expecting him to go full term and that I was too sick to continue carrying him. I was now on blood pressure medication and diagnosed with preeclampsia. Thereafter my blood tests were four times a day round the clock. This was utterly annoying! I was getting more sick by the day, started to become discolored and now my kidney and liver enzymes were becoming unmanageable with medication.
I was given doses of steroids to help the baby's lungs develop quicker. I was told by the nurses and doctors that I would be lucky to have a healthy baby and that he wold probably be in the NICU for up to two months. I would also be prepared that he may be on a ventilator temporarily and have a feeding tube. A young mom with never having expectations of having a child was feeling completely defeated.
I remember vividly the lab draw at 5am on Sunday August 6, 2000. At 9am Dr. Dalley walks into the room and says "Call Russ, we have to take the baby out now. You are too sick and you may not recover if we don't do this now." I immediately call Russ at home and am crying with the sense of urgency to come to the hospital. Before long, Russ, my family and my old bishop was there to give me a blessing. It was time!
7 1/2 weeks early, on Sunday August 6, 2000 at 10:47 in the morning Damian Payne Troutman was born. Weighing a whopping 5lbs and 17 inches long, he was much bigger than they anticipated. A good thing no doubt. He only spent 8 hours in the NICU and was off oxygen completely. He was our miracle child! I slowly started to recover and spent 5 additional days in the hospital to monitor my labs and be weaned off the magnesium drip.
We would arrive home and start our life as The Troutman Trio. Now of course we were in a predicament if we ever had another child.
We of course had high hopes with having more children and tried diligently for 10 years. Sad times would come and go monthly when we realize it just wasn't going to happen. Sill as of last year when we were retested for Russ' 'count' we would be told zero. The baby fever comes and goes but we now know that we were only meant to have our amazing son. We would be happy with more but we are completely content with one.
That is our story and how we came to be. Many wonder and never have asked about why we only have one child. Now you know! Now this many put into perspective why I am so obsessed with my son and why I would do anything on earth for him! My love for him is unexplainable and undeniable.
Erika,
ReplyDeleteI am so thankful for this Blog as i never knew about this time in your life! Thank you so much for sharing a very personal piece of you with us.
Much Love,
Aunt Patti