Well, sitting here thinking about nothing particular but still thinking about alot. Somedays it is so dreadful to be at work and others seem to be fine. I guess that what comes after almost 8 years. Ahhh. School is on my mind and how crazy it has been. So much work, so much reading (that I don't do but should) and so much unknown!
Ok, gotta get back to it!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
A DAY LATER...
What a day makes. Well for some things.... I had the amazing chance to speak with my grandma whom I haven't spoken to in about 4 years. Things for both of us were completely validated and some things were taken out of context. But it did make me feel better about some of the family siutations. Relief... I deserve that!
Still trying to fingue out how I look at someone who I KNOW betrayed me. I have lost a lot of respect for this person and need to find someway to move on....either by discussing it (which could be detrimental to our friendship) or forgetting it (hard to do). Not sure yet, but I'm sure in the coming days it will be revealed to me.
I sure love my husband. He is an amazing listener and I feel his love daily. I am so blessed to have him in my lfie and I am honored to be his wife. My son, my husband and my dogs=MY LOVES!!!
Hope every who reads this has a wonderful day!
Still trying to fingue out how I look at someone who I KNOW betrayed me. I have lost a lot of respect for this person and need to find someway to move on....either by discussing it (which could be detrimental to our friendship) or forgetting it (hard to do). Not sure yet, but I'm sure in the coming days it will be revealed to me.
I sure love my husband. He is an amazing listener and I feel his love daily. I am so blessed to have him in my lfie and I am honored to be his wife. My son, my husband and my dogs=MY LOVES!!!
Hope every who reads this has a wonderful day!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
PONDERING
Sometimes I wonder. I wonder what it would be like to have a "complete" family. A family who got along with one another, a family who expressed their love for each other, a family who didn't hold grudges, a family who go toether on the holidays and it was so amazing to be around ALL of them. Will I ever get that family? I guess all I can do is wish. Wishes seem so far fetched sometimes.
I'm wondering if my father will call. He said he would but I haven't heard from him. He said it would be different and things would change. Not yet. I know that I tried and I tried and I called and I went over....nothing in return. Guess maybe I shouldn't have feelings. If I didn't I wouldn't be upset.
I should stop wondering why I wouldn't have been wanted at my own uncle's memorial. If you have never felt not wanted, that was the day. Feeling as though you aren't good enough, not worthy enough, not loved. And all I did was get upset that I wasn't included in a family portrait. Only the "real" kids were. But I guess I don't have the right to feel that way either.
Guess I'll stop feeling.
I'm wondering if my father will call. He said he would but I haven't heard from him. He said it would be different and things would change. Not yet. I know that I tried and I tried and I called and I went over....nothing in return. Guess maybe I shouldn't have feelings. If I didn't I wouldn't be upset.
I should stop wondering why I wouldn't have been wanted at my own uncle's memorial. If you have never felt not wanted, that was the day. Feeling as though you aren't good enough, not worthy enough, not loved. And all I did was get upset that I wasn't included in a family portrait. Only the "real" kids were. But I guess I don't have the right to feel that way either.
Guess I'll stop feeling.
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