How Time Changes Things

So many things have changed in our lives the last couple years and time has surely flew by. Here is a little update....

Damian is now 11 years old and is everything we have wanted him to be. He is very independent, sometimes not to my liking, but I am proud of his efforts. He is doing much better in school this year (now in 6th grade)! He is also a boy scout now and working diligently on his merit badges. He goes every week and when there are special events twice a week. He has grown into a great young man that we are excited to see move towards his path of greatness.

Russ is also doing amazing! He has been on a journey of weight loss the last 11 months and has now lost about 149 pounds. AND STILL GOING! He is an inspiration and has dedicated much of his day to the gym and making himself happy. It is wonderful to have him home with Damian much of the time to help with homework and other activities. I am so proud of him.

I have graduated nursing school and am now working in the one place I always knew I was meant to be... the ER. Every night of work is new and there are a lot of perspectives I am able to see. Puts you into reality how precious life is when you see death every day. I am more determined to make those who doubted see that I am a great nurse!

Akira, our boston terrior, is now 4 1/2 and is a lil rambunctious girl. She is so precious to us all and is always dragging her toys around and finding a way to tear all the stuffing out.

Apollo, our english mastiff, passed away last week after we only had him a short 3 years. We are all coping in our own way. Some days are easier than others but the hard days are harder than we ever imagined. I always try to stay strong but sometimes I can't help but break down. I miss him terribly and find myself angry about why he was taken from us. We were all there with him his last moments and we will never forget the love he brought to us and our family. Our hearts ache. 1-1-2008 to 11-21-2011

Hope all is well with each of you and we are thinking of many of you this holiday season.

I Guess I Worried Some of You----So Sorry

First, thank you. Thank you for the kind words and phone calls trying to be anonymous. I truly appreciate it.

I thought it was normal to be having a bad day and feel ok to write about it. Just like keeping a journal (at least I thought). I definately felt better after writing and do think I will do it again so here is your pre-warning, heehee.

I am usually the person who might have a bad day but keeps all the emotion inside bottled up and just releases it at home. Not so good for the hubby but it seems to work ok. The one and only time I have LET IT ALL OUT on here and people are freaking out. I never knew it would be thought of so worrysom that's all.

I am ok, the family is ok. I just think when you are used to things a certain way and when you haven't had top expierence some things, there are things that just tug at your heart a little harder than others. We have always been able to provide well for Damian and this year we struggled. Like many others and many worse off than us, I do not want to take away from them.

With the help from some family Damian did get a few things and he really was thankful! From the bottom of our hearts THANK YOU.

Ok, well again, I am sorry if I worried some of you but I am not sorry I wrote about it. It felt really good to get it all out and to feel that lift of anxiety come off.

Love you all and thanks for the love you give to us.

(Hey...and to YOU....the one who called from out of state to a friend of relative...yeah YOU! You are amazing! Thank you for caring.)

SICK SICK SICK

The Troutman's have been sick this last week. Damian BEFORE Christmas, Russ ON Christmas and Me AFTER Christmas. Ughhh. Lots of sore throats, stuffy heads and mucousy crud. Hopefully we will all be back up to speed this coming week.

Some Days Are Sad Days...This Is One Of Those...

I am feeling blue today. :( Listening to the radio this morning on the way to work and they were talking about the holiday. Here it is 10 days before Christmas and we haven't been able to buy Damian anything. We have already told him that we would have to wait till I get my school loan money in mid January and that we would have Christmas then.

I might pull our Christmas tree out on Christmas Day then leave it up till then end of January so it can kinda of feel like it anyways. This is the first time in 10 years that I just can't get myself to pull everything out when it doesn't seem the same as years prior.

I know that this will be temporary and that maybe next year will be better and I know that it isn't about the gifts but how does a 9 year old HONESTLY understand that. He tells us he does but can he really? It breaks my heart when he says "Mom I know we don't have money for Christmas but maybe if you can afford it can you buy me that?" as we watch a commercial with a rubber dart gun.

How can I expect him to go back to school after winter break and when other kids ask him what he got he says "nothing yet."

Tell me its normal for me to feel guilty about this. It's a mom thing right?

Ok I need to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and get out of this depressed hole I'm in.

New Beginnings

"It isn't the load that breaks you-- it is how you carry it"

What an amazing quote. This has really inspired me the last few days and is something I try to remember every morning. My family has been my rock the last few weeks and I am truly excited for a new beginning. Today may be the beginning of a fantastic new opportunity. I eagerly await to see!

A little bit of everything!

A boy and his dogs!