Giving Thanks this Thanksgiving

As a family, we wanted to sit down and write just some of the things that we are thankful for this Thanksgiving.

Damian says "I am grateful for being able to play sports.  I am thankful for my dogs.  I am thankful for my home. I am thankful for water, because I am always thirsty. I am thankful for food because I am always hungry.  I am thankful I was able to earn my Eagle Scout. I am thankful for my family because not all people have families."

Russ says "I am thankful for my family and the dogs who spend so much time with me.  I am grateful that I have 1/2 of the Christmas lights up.  I am grateful for the Lord. I am grateful for great friends.  I am thankful that my wife's surgery went well and hope that she recovers quickly. I was thankful I was able to see KISS live."

I am thankful for my family.  Damian has such a humorous and quirky personality and I am proud of the young man he is becoming.  I am thankful for a husband who always supports me in all that I do and is home to ensure we have a safe and nice place to live.  I am thankful for my job and the ability to make a change in someone's life on a daily basis.  I am thankful for valuable friends who are always there for me, encourage me and lift me up in times of need.  I am thankful for our two loving dogs who bring happiness to our lives.  I am thankful for my Savior and the ultimate sacrifice to provide a way back to Him and our Heavenly Father again.  I am thankful for my primary calling and the opportunities it gives to me to strengthen my testimony.  I am thankful to have a temple so close that is always a place of peace to me.  I am in deed thankful for every thing I have in my every day life.

From our home to yours, we truly hope you think of your individual blessings and all that you have.   Happy Thanksgiving!

Synopsis of Our Family at This Time

So many little things have been happening in the Troutman house this last few weeks.

Damian is playing football for his high school team now. Left tackle! He is doing great and we are amazed at the dedication he has shown. This summer, not even a couple weeks after school was on break, they started practicing for 3 hours per day M-F. Whether is was 7am or 5pm he went nearly every day, unless we had previously scheduled time away.

He is now a freshmen in high school! Wow! Where has time gone? I can not believe I have a high schooler. He makes me so proud. I am excited to see where high school takes him, the different ventures he will embark upon and the new things he will discover about himself and preparing for adulthood. He also also started seminary. For those of you who aren't aware of what this is, this is when he attends a class prior to the start of school every morning and learns more about the gospel and reads scriptures.

Damian has officially applied for his Eagle Scout. His board of review will be in October and if all goes well, we will be celebrating with a ceremony early December. We are so proud of him and his dedication to the scouting program. A total of 57 merit badges and still desires to get more to earn his palms. He recently had to write an ambition letter with his application. I was impressed at the things he said in it. He has goals and dreams almost like he is growing up! So awesome to see him transition from a boy to a young man.

I have been nursing for 3 years now. I was blessed to start in the ER where I always wanted to be. A little over a year ago I started being a relief charge nurse on occasions of vacations and fill in needs. It has been a great learning and growing experience. I recently have been offered a promotion in the ER being part of the leadership team. I was not expecting this to happen and am very honored that I was considered for a position of high regard. My struggles with being away from the bedside will ensue, but I am hopeful that I will be able to still have floor time and also be able to make a difference in the success within our ER. I am thankful that the love of educating others will give more opportunities for new ER nurses. I hope I can be a mentor and guide the way of a successful nursing career to them all. I was told that I need to take the leap of faith that ultimately I will make a bigger impact being in this new role.

In this recent change to start in just 2 short weeks, I will also be on a normal sleeping schedule, working days. I have worked nights for the last 3 years and rarely have sun exposure! I may get a little tan, take the tin foil off my windows and hopefully my eyes will understand there is a bright thing in the sky that will take some getting used to. I do hope that with my schedule change, I will have more energy and be able to fit in more personal time which will promote a more healthy lifestyle. We shall see....

Russ is doing well. He is such a great house dad. Making sure all the house needs are tended to, taking and picking up Damian from seminary, school and football, and ultimately being a huge support and help to me. He may even get off the hook of having to cook every night once I am home at dinner time!

Time will ever evolve things in our lives. We must appreciate and accept the changes. Embrace growing and learning more. Love spending time with one another. Put yourself out there to be able to progress and learn.

My Dearest Damian

I know this is no surprise to you or anyone who knows us so bare with my overly obsessed letter to you. Damian, I want you to know how proud I am of you. 

I am so proud of the young man you are and who you are becoming. I am proud of the great decisions you have made in your life so far. I am proud of the kindness and gentleness you hold. I am so proud of your willingness to adapt and also take with ease many changes that take place. 

I love your sarcastic humor and the silliness you are so full of. I love the times when we just get to lounge and watch our shows together. I love the times when I get to see you thrive in doing what you love. I love seeing you explore youtube for how to make different ties. 

There is so much to be thankful for when I think of you. I am thankful that your dad and I have been blessed with this ONE amazing son who without a doubt is the light of our lives. I am thankful that you have blessed my life in ways you can not yet understand until you are a father. 

I would encourage you to continue to make good choices and understand the consequences for wrong ones. I encourage you to continue to grow closer to your Heavenly Father in prayer, relying on Him for guidance you might feel not sure about asking us. Damian, begin to ponder what your future holds. How will you continue your education? How will you prepare for a mission both physically and spiritually? How will you prepare to choose a eternal companion? I know some of these come early at age 14 but as you begin to think of these things, you will find yourself making choices that will reflect the differences than that of some other friends. 

I know you will never doubt my love for you. I have always and will always show my love, no matter how annoying it can be and no matter how many tackles it takes to get a kiss. I will be here for you at every turn in life you make. I will support you when you fall and I will praise you when you succeed. There is no end to forgiveness as a mother. 

I know with every part of me that you were sent here to us to make us better people. In my heart Heavenly Father created you! You are my world and I am so lucky to be called your mom! 

Happy 14th birthday Damian Payne Troutman~~

Love,

Mom

Different Types Of Friends

There will always be different types of friends in your life and I have begun to see how amazing that can be.

I have friends who are great professionally and always there to help when I need.  They support you, trust you and ultimately you can discuss anything work related and they seem to understand all the emotions from being an ER nurse.

I have long time friends who I can tell anything and everything without fear of being judged and also knowing they will always be there for me.  We may not necessarily hang out too often but weekly talks or encounters still continue our dear friendship.

I have spiritual friends.  These tend to be the ones I go to and talk about the gospel, discuss questions and validate spiritual meanings of events in our lives.  They can make you feel like everything you are doing is exactly what you need to be doing and together both testimonies grow stronger with one another.

There are few people who fall into each category and that is ok.  I am content with that.  I always know who to call about what subject and know I will get what I need at that exact time.

There will always be others whom you just relate to acquaintances.  Those you talk to, maybe even often, but have no specific connection to.  These people are great to know, great to talk to and great to hang out with.  These are the relationships we choose to either keep as such or choose to strengthen and grow into one of the others.

I am blessed to have some friends in each category and I am confident in those relationships.  I feel like everyone in my life has been placed for a specific reason and I am ever grateful for the memories I make with each of them. 

My One True Love

 Today my sweet love we celebrate 14 years happily married.  Today we remember that special day in our lives when we would take and make vows to love one another, forgive one another and be there for one another always.

I want you to know how much I love you!  You are always the one who is there for me regardless of anything that may be going on.  You are the one who has come to know me deeper than anyone ever has.  You are the one who has forgiven me for my bad days and faults and then praised me for my good days and strengths.

Together we have overcome some trials.  We have seen thru the shallowness that can be seen in other relationships.  We have grown together.  We have seen the true love that can actually exist and the love that forms when least expected.

I love how you still look at me.  I love how you still want to kiss me and hold my hand.  I love how you think of me at every sweet gesture.  You remember things months later that I have said I desired.

14 years seems like such a great accomplishment but when it comes so easy it seems just like yesterday.

In this short time we have made so many great things happen in our lives.  Sure there a few we wished we could have done differently or done at a different time.  There have been many desires to have another child but have not had that blessing but yet marvel in the great love we have for Damian.

Thru it all, we have cried together, laughed together and loved together.  We hope to show what true love is and make sure Damian always seems how we can love each other.

Yes, we are very different.  We have different ways of parenting and we have different interests.  But just because we are different doesn't make us incompatible.  It makes us appreciate the difference and then absolutely love the similarities.

Some of the simple and funny things I love about you:  when I say to get 'mustard' and you bring home every possibility of mustard so you can't be wrong.  When I have a drink waiting for me when I wake up after a long night of work.  When you do simple things like fill my car with gas or get it washed.  Everything you do is really for me and that makes me proud to have you as my husband.  Other girls should be so lucky to have someone just like you!

You bring me up when I am down.  You hold me when I need to cry.  You support me in all that I do and then never question my responsibilities as a mother, supporter and my calling in church.

Russ, you are my one true love.  My soulmate.  My forever.  My eternity.  I will love you forever.  I can't wait to grow old with you and be 'one of those couples' who can still be in love after all those years.

I LOVE YOU RUSSELL KREE TROUTMAN

and I will be yours forever

~~Your wife Mrs. Erika Jayne Troutman~~

2014

Deeper Meanings

Today is Father's Day and for reasons it has been more emotional for me this year than in the past.  Many have fathers that have never been present in their lives.  Many have fathers that have been a part of nearly their daily lives.  My story is a bit different.

Part 1 of my story:  My step dad who raised me from around age 3 until I moved out was there for me until age 21.  At that time, him and my mom were divorced. Shortly after, he was no longer the present figure I once had.  There were no calls from him to me, only the opposite.  Finally I came to realize that his new life was not a part of mine.

It has been almost 13 years and I have seen only a hand full of times.  At some point I began to move on and although there are occasional times of wonder and sadness I have been able to forgive him.  Now many might say "what does he need to be forgiven for"?  Nothing particular.  Just a way for me to be at peace. Just forgiving him for the anger and sadness him leaving caused.

Part 2 of my story:  My father and mother divorced when I was around 2.  I don't recall as a young child when I got to see him (he was in the army) but I remember for sure around age 10 going to see him regularly during the summer for a couple weeks when he and my step mom lived in Barstow, CA.

I have always had a loving relationship with him.  I recall when I would be leaving home during the summer from being with him, I would just cry.  I would cry because I knew the next time I saw him it would be a year later.  I enjoyed so much the summers and those precious times I was able to form a relationship and know that he still loved me even though he was not a daily presence in my life.

I try to text or call him every couple weeks even if it is just a quick hello to see how they are doing.  They now live in Arkansas.  Often it is to make sure they are safe from the tornados!  We skype on occasion and I always make sure to spend the extra time on holidays.  Not sure why I do that as that is when I am the saddest I am not with him.

I long to be close to him in distance.  I long to have that time I never got as a child.  I long those hugs and just the simplicity of sitting next to him on the couch.  I miss those knuckle sandwiches and the sayings that now I have started to say.  I just miss him so much.

So today, I am saddened that I can't be with him to give him that hug and to show him how much I love him. Even posting a photo of him was too sad for me.

Hidden Emotion

Emotions in many ways can bring us to smiles, laughter, tears and sadness. How one deals with that emotion is what has been on my mind lately.

You see a smile, but is it really a smile or is it hiding someone's pain?  You see a laugh but perhaps it is a laugh hiding nervousness.

I have been trying to figure out lately how to be able to express myself more which in turn makes me more vulnerable.  I hate being vulnerable.  It can make you feel insecure, unneeded or unwanted.  It can open that essential can of worms that you aren't quite sure you want opened.

Everyone has personal turmoil and family issues.  I wish there was a place to always safely turn to that you knew people would not judge or think differently of you.  I wish there was always someone who would know exactly what I needed to do.  I know ultimately that my Heavenly Father knows how it will always end up.  I know He gave me my challenges for a reason.  

Recently I spoke with someone regarding how hard it is for me to open up regarding personal matters.  Not about my son or husband because I can talk about them all the time and I love it but about me.  I am not sure how to better adapt to being more open.

I have a hard time showing weakness because I always want to be strong.  I have a hard time expressing what is really on my mind because I don't want to feel rejected, ridiculed or regret my statements.

I continue to pray for guidance and look for the few sacred moments that I do begin to open just as flowers begin to bloom.