I Guess I Worried Some of You----So Sorry

First, thank you. Thank you for the kind words and phone calls trying to be anonymous. I truly appreciate it.

I thought it was normal to be having a bad day and feel ok to write about it. Just like keeping a journal (at least I thought). I definately felt better after writing and do think I will do it again so here is your pre-warning, heehee.

I am usually the person who might have a bad day but keeps all the emotion inside bottled up and just releases it at home. Not so good for the hubby but it seems to work ok. The one and only time I have LET IT ALL OUT on here and people are freaking out. I never knew it would be thought of so worrysom that's all.

I am ok, the family is ok. I just think when you are used to things a certain way and when you haven't had top expierence some things, there are things that just tug at your heart a little harder than others. We have always been able to provide well for Damian and this year we struggled. Like many others and many worse off than us, I do not want to take away from them.

With the help from some family Damian did get a few things and he really was thankful! From the bottom of our hearts THANK YOU.

Ok, well again, I am sorry if I worried some of you but I am not sorry I wrote about it. It felt really good to get it all out and to feel that lift of anxiety come off.

Love you all and thanks for the love you give to us.

(Hey...and to YOU....the one who called from out of state to a friend of relative...yeah YOU! You are amazing! Thank you for caring.)

SICK SICK SICK

The Troutman's have been sick this last week. Damian BEFORE Christmas, Russ ON Christmas and Me AFTER Christmas. Ughhh. Lots of sore throats, stuffy heads and mucousy crud. Hopefully we will all be back up to speed this coming week.

Some Days Are Sad Days...This Is One Of Those...

I am feeling blue today. :( Listening to the radio this morning on the way to work and they were talking about the holiday. Here it is 10 days before Christmas and we haven't been able to buy Damian anything. We have already told him that we would have to wait till I get my school loan money in mid January and that we would have Christmas then.

I might pull our Christmas tree out on Christmas Day then leave it up till then end of January so it can kinda of feel like it anyways. This is the first time in 10 years that I just can't get myself to pull everything out when it doesn't seem the same as years prior.

I know that this will be temporary and that maybe next year will be better and I know that it isn't about the gifts but how does a 9 year old HONESTLY understand that. He tells us he does but can he really? It breaks my heart when he says "Mom I know we don't have money for Christmas but maybe if you can afford it can you buy me that?" as we watch a commercial with a rubber dart gun.

How can I expect him to go back to school after winter break and when other kids ask him what he got he says "nothing yet."

Tell me its normal for me to feel guilty about this. It's a mom thing right?

Ok I need to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and get out of this depressed hole I'm in.