The Troutman Trio established 2000

In March of 1999, I was escaping the world and exploring a chat room.  "macktroll" started chatting with me.  Little did I know that that would be the beginning of my future.

I would speak to "macktroll" via chat and phone for 5 weeks before we decided to meet in person.  Never exchanging a photo I drove to his house (yes a bit crazy) on Mother's Day 1999.  He walks into the living room to see me tapping on his fish tank. "macktroll" was a real person and his name was Russ.  From the moment he saw me, he knew I was the one.  Well, that is how I would like to think it was but it was not really that way.

We would "see each other" because Russ didn't "date".  I knew about October 1999 that this was the man of my life.  We spent nearly every day together and as the days went on my heart was falling in love. Occasionally I would slip and say the "L" word when we would say our goodbyes but I would quickly hang up hoping he didn't hear it.  Women really want the man to say it first so we don't see like a stalker, right!   Russ would also consistently tell me that he wasn't the marrying type and he could not have children because of a brain aneurysm that he had while playing college football.  I insist that is not what I am looking for either but honestly hadn't given it much thought to this point in our relationship.

In December 1999, we went to a New Years Eve party at one of his friends house.  When the clock stuck midnight, he would lean over to me and whisper in my ear "Erika, I love you"!  I was in such shock, I couldn't even say it back.  Well of course after we celebrate with a gentle kiss, I then return the I love you's back.  I knew leaving that night that this would be the man I would marry.  And of course, I kept that to myself, duh!

On January 20, 2000, I would wake with an ear infection.  I have had many my whole life so this should be nothing different.  I went to a quick care, gave them my long ear history and they discharged me with antibiotics which I have taken many times before.  I would start my first dose after dinner, another before bed.

I would wake on January 21, 2000, walk to the bathroom because something didn't feel right.  I take a glance in the mirror and I am shocked to see my  eyes swollen shut, hives everywhere on my body, and I noticed a little difficulty breathing,  I call Russ at work and tell him something is really wrong and he needs to take me back to the urgent care.  Russ would arrive to pick me up and the shocked look on his face because mine was really unrecognizable.

We check back into the quick care and they see the urgency in our faces.  We are taken back to a room, where a doctor comes in to evaluate what could have happened.  He confirms that I have taken this medication before and I verify.  He then tells me that they want to load me with steroids to hurry and open up my airway.  He states "we have to do a quick pregnancy test to make sure before we give you the steroids."  I laugh and say, "we can not have children so no need."  He of course tell me that they need to cover themselves and run it anyways.

10 minutes later he would walk in the room and say "Well you must be having a reaction to the medication because of the baby."  My jaw dropped, I immediately look at Russ and begin to cry.  Russ asks the doctor to please give us a few minutes. The door shuts.  I am crying hysterically by this time and Russ consoles me. I get treated with different medication and am discharged.  As I get in the car I vomit in the parking lot.  Yes, nice visual huh!  We were pregnant?  How is this possible?  We would soon find out that my due date was on my birthday!

Valentine's Day 2000, we would have a great dinner and then would return to his home.  He would sit me down and then his kneeling then followed.  He gently took my hand and spoke few words but words that you only need to hear once. "Erika, will you merry me?"  First, I have a blank stare and didn't even say yes.  My words were actually "You aren't asking me because I am pregnant are you?"  He laughs and reassures me that he had this planned prior to us finding out we were pregnant.  We embrace and here our journey continues.

I would be horribly sick my entire pregnancy, having hyperemesis gravidum.  I would be hospitalized 6 times for just a day or two at a time to get fluids and lab work.  I would then start seeing a high risk Dr as well as my regular OB.  Weekly monitoring of fluid levels and heartbeats.  Was an intense and very physically draining pregnancy.

On June 17, 2000 Russ and I were married in a small event at my parent's home.  It was just perfect and was easy with being preggo.

July 7, 2000, I would go for a routine appointment to my OB.  They do a urine test and some lab work and send me immediately over to the hospital to be admitted for renal and liver failure.  On complete bed rest and not able to leave the hospital this time to ho home, it would be a very long ordeal.  They soon started regular lab tests twice a day, then it was up to three times a day.  I would be started on a magnesium drip along with constant fluids about July 15, 2000.  As anyone who has had magnesium will know, it is awful.  It makes you feel awful, you feel like doing nothing except sleeping.  But it was the only hope of keeping the baby in as long as possible.

About July 22, my Dr would tell me that she is not expecting him to go full term and that I was too sick to continue carrying him.  I was now on blood pressure medication and diagnosed with preeclampsia. Thereafter my blood tests were four times a day round the clock.  This was utterly annoying!  I was getting more sick by the day, started to become discolored and now my kidney and liver enzymes were becoming unmanageable with medication.

I was given doses of steroids to help the baby's lungs develop quicker.  I was told by the nurses and doctors that I would be lucky to have a healthy baby and that he wold probably be in the NICU for up to two months.  I would also be prepared that he may be on a ventilator temporarily and have a feeding tube.  A young mom with never having expectations of having a child was feeling completely defeated.

I remember vividly the lab draw at 5am on Sunday August 6, 2000.  At 9am Dr. Dalley walks into the room and says "Call Russ, we have to take the baby out now.  You are too sick and you may not recover if we don't do this now."  I immediately call Russ at home and am crying with the sense of urgency to come to the hospital.  Before long, Russ, my family and my old bishop was there to give me a blessing. It was time!

7 1/2 weeks early, on Sunday August 6, 2000 at 10:47 in the morning Damian Payne Troutman was born. Weighing a whopping 5lbs and 17 inches long, he was much bigger than they anticipated.  A good thing no doubt.  He only spent 8 hours in the NICU and was off oxygen completely.  He was our miracle child!  I slowly started to recover and spent 5 additional days in the hospital to monitor my labs and be weaned off the magnesium drip.

We would arrive home and start our life as The Troutman Trio.  Now of course we were in a predicament if we ever had another child.

We of course had high hopes with having more children and tried diligently for 10 years.  Sad times would come and go monthly when we realize it just wasn't going to happen.  Sill as of last year when we were retested for Russ' 'count' we would be told zero. The baby fever comes and goes but we now know that we were only meant to have our amazing son.  We would be happy with more but we are completely content with one.

That is our story and how we came to be.  Many wonder and never have asked about why we only have one child.  Now you know!  Now this many put into perspective why I am so obsessed with my son and why I would do anything on earth for him!  My love for him is unexplainable and undeniable.

My Forever Family

My family is forever!  Today was the most sacred and beautiful day of our entire lives.  Russ, Damian and I were sealed in the LasVegas temple today.  I have known this day was coming for over a year but set a date in August and have been mentally counting day since then.  It seems as though when the weeks turned into days and then the days finally into hours, the reality of the promises and blessings we will receive were made ever so real.

When I woke up this morning I knew I had to start the day off differently.  No distractions.  I found a talk by Robert D Hales entitled 'The Temple is About Families'.  Read and posted a caption. We started with no television.  First listened to some church music, then we listened to "family talk" which helped us stay focused and spiritually ready.  Before we would start getting ready, Russ decided that we needed to share our patriarchal blessings with Damian.  We would stop occasionally and discuss our interpretation and the sacredness of some of the promises made to each of us.  As we read, the emotions of the words would occasionally bring a tear.  This is exactly what we needed to be doing!

We arrive at the temple and are escorted to a sitting room where we would wait for a worker to come discuss a few things with us all and then Russ and I would separate from Damian only to know shortly we would be reunited.

Russ and I would gather, discuss our excitement and love for the many friends who would come support us today without seeing any of them.  We would sit down with our Sealer and he would remind us of the most importance of this day in our lives.  

We entered the sealing room with the most anticipation!  Family and friends would give loving smiles and we would try to scan the room to see loved ones we haven't seen in a while and some we see almost daily.  The love was overpowering and the spirit would be abundant.

Once Russ and I are sealed, the sealer asks us if we want to kiss.  I of course give a "look" as we have already been married 13 years, heehee.  I gently showed my love for him.

We are now ready for Damian to come in.  I see him through the mirror behind me.  I completely lose it.  I immediately imagine that he may coming looking for me in the Celestial kingdom and I wait for his loving hand to touch mine.  I can't let go.  As the sealer speaks the words and promises of an eternal family I feel my Heavenly Father's presence and the undeniable love that we have as a family.  I listen and know that this is Heavenly Father's plan for us.

Hugs and embraces would follow from each one who came to be with us.  Some amazing words and support would be spoken and the love we all feel would be a constant reminder of how each of them has touched us.  Each has been an instrumental part in our being at the temple.  From small acts of service to life long friendships and spiritual connections.

As we would return to the lobby, I was stopped by the initial Brother who spoke to us in the sitting room.  He would express to me how when he was with our family he felt the spirit more strongly than he has ever felt before in that room.  He said that he didn't know what our family situation was, where we came from or what lead us to this day but that he knew without a doubt that Heavenly Father was in that room and he was so honored to be there with us.  Now, I was a little caught of guard from his words but all I could do was embrace him and say thank you.  After all, I was already a wreck and my face disheveled.  

I begin to walk out towards the lobby a little more when I encounter our Sealer.  He stops and places his hand on my shoulder, then my hand on his hand.  I immediately imagine the hand of my Savior and Heavenly Father.  The power from that gentle touch will ever be with me.

I finally reach the lobby where Damian enters at the same time.  The grin from ear to ear was ever present.  Of course my first words "Hi Son!  You are mine forever!"  How prefect.

Russ finally joins us (for some reason you men take so long to get dressed, lol).  We are outside meeting with a few of our guests and giving a few more hugs.  Take a few pictures (not too many because my face is a disaster) and we leave to come home.

My words "WE DID IT!  They are mine FOREVER".  Simply put and simply understood.  How much I want this for everyone.  It is my duty and obligation to do my part to get someone else to where we as a family were today.

Thank you for everyone who came today, touched us today and was able to be a part of our memory.

The Troutman Trio Family

Steven and Suzie Hardy, Emilee and Ryan Ence, Cassy and Mike Mummey, Drew and Chris Leavitt, Kristilyn Abbott, Robert and Linda Vance, Ben and Jen Douglas, Eric and Sarah McClellan, Chris and Brande Deuel, Aaron and Gina Graham, Michelle Marvian, Aaron DeJesus, Sandra Hansen, Natalie Day, Mark and Rachel Howard, Cody and Brittney Noble, Rachel Little, Elder Siilata, Elder Jensen, Brent Linville, Michael and Rachel Peterson, Jay Hagfeldt, & my Mom!  And many others who were there in spirit.

Our Pain is Nothing

Sometimes you will just find there are moments of sadness.  Sometimes you can not explain why you are sad and of course others you know exactly why.

What do you do when you get in a "funk"?  We can be sulking and withdrawn, we can try to look to a better tomorrow, and we can turn to our Heavenly Father in prayer.

All of the above happened to me in one day. I hate when I want to cry about everything but don't know why.  No matter how hard you try, you can not control it.  This made me think about something more in depth.

You are sitting in church, at work, at the gym  or in the store.  You see a woman or man and they smile pleasantly.  What are your first thoughts?  Little do you know sometimes no matter how bright and nice the smile, that they might be going thru unbelievable pain and sadness.  There are many of us who put on a whole different exterior than how we feel inside.

Be mindful the next time you encounter this.  Make it a priority to reach out, say hello, give a hug.  Just let them know you care.  Don't judge someone by something you hear about them. Get to know them, ask questions, be supportive.

Imagine all the pain you have experienced in your own life.  A death of a loved on, emotional or depression issues, anxiety, fear, weight control issues, family discord; all of these and more could make a person feel hopeless.

Now imagine all of those feelings and give them to one person.  When I think about the pain our Savior had to go through for all of us.  How much did he cry?  I don't even know if we can TRULY understand the depth of the atonement until the day we are reunited with our Father in Heaven and Savior.  As I was sitting in the temple, I found myself looking at a particular piece of art.  Crying at the pain he must have suffered for me.

Oh how little the days of our sadness compare to His days of sadness.  Now we will still have our days but when those days come- look deeper and see that the pain and sadness you are feeling has already been felt by our Savior and then some.  

Our Responsibility to Rescue

"The less active can't long rest content with mediocrity once they see excellence is within their reach"

How true these words for myself as once a less active member.  I encourage you greatly to read the First Presidency Message for the month of October in the Ensign.  So powerful the words of President Monson.

For journaling purposes I want to write a little of my story of inactivity and my reactivation to the church.

Baptized when I was 8 with my mom and sister, I was very active until I was 18 years of age.  Attending almost every week, I don't recall too much of primary but I do recall the amazing years of young women and the testimony that began to grow at that time.  I had some amazing young women's leaders, fun activities, and each time hardship came my faith would show a little more each time.  I attended seminary all 4 years of high school and was so excited to wake up each morning, although SO early!  I honestly don't know how much I personally learned at that time and I think some of it was repetition of going 5 days a week.  I do remember the walks to school from the chapel with all my LDS friends and the presence we made as we all walked together.  Kinda an awesome scene.

Once I graduated, life got busy and seminary and the daily recurrence was over.  I found myself out of normalcy and looking for something else to do.  I was dating a nonmember which obviously didn't make it any easier to want to continue going to church and young women's was over.  A time in my life that I don't know if my testimony was strong enough to keep me "in".

Once you get out of the routine it is easy to make reasons on why to stay home, why to sleep in and what other things you could be doing instead.  Sadly, I am sure is the same for most inactive members.

When I was 21, after having Damian, Russ and I tried to return, only to be disappointed at the lack of friendliness and introducing of people.  We sat right in front of the missionaries for 3 weeks with not one hello.  We only stayed for sacrament then quickly bolted out to home.  On our 4th week the bishop called us to visit.  We were approached with callings and the insistence of paying our tithing.  We felt like the guard we both had up was put up even higher and went home never to return back.

Russ and I always felt like we lived pretty much right and mostly in the standards of the church.  Not much the desire to smoke, drink or "party".  We were more about our family and spending time together.  Our excitement was going to a movie and catching dinner.  Still our excitement, heehee.  We always felt like we could still "live the LDS way" without attending church.

Many years would go by, 11 years to be exact.  We would still get the occasional 'knock on the door', avoiding it, muting our TV and hushing the dogs.  Pretty funny when I think back at it.  We would make our comments like "they tracked us down again". 

Damian had a 5th grade math teacher by the name of Mr. Drysdale.  As the year went by, he would encourage Damian to speak to us about attending scouts.  We had priced scouting and were reluctant only because Damian will like something and then a couple months later be disinterested.  He was surely persistent!  Finally we agreed to take Damian only to find out it was held at the church.  We cautiously dropped him off then hurry and drove away trying to avoid any conversations that may take another turn other than scouting.

During this time, I had a chance conversation with a fellow nurse at work when she asked me, "are you LDS?"  That would turn a simple question into an emotional and spiritual discussion on my inactivity and my youth experiences.  How that question has changed my life today and how eternally grateful I am to you Emilee.  My connection with you Emilee is a whole post on its own!

Eventually they made us have conversations at home about how nice they were, how 'non-pressuring' they seemed and how they are taking a liking to Damian and the friends he was making.  We would discuss at great length after 6 months of Damian attending scouts if we wanted to consider trying to return to church.  Finally we agreed.  We would start slow and return.  Even set a specific date of September 2, 2012.  Had to psych ourselves up for it!  We discussed that we would only attend sacrament for the first month, then ease ourselves into the other meetings after that.

As we were driving that morning to the church, I had a feeling I needed to attend the entire blocks of meetings.  I told Russ "I know you want to leave after sacrament and that is fine.  Just come pick me up later"  I told him I felt like I needed to dive all in.  He left with Damian after sacrament and returned to get me afterwards.  I spoke of the feeling of peace I would have that day and the emotion that came with sitting in the presence of so many wonderful people.  The next week, he and Damian attended all 3 blocks and here we are today!

In 7 months, I would be called as the 1st counselor in the primary presidency.  By month 8, I would be released and called as president in the primary presidency. 

Now 13 months later, we are endowed and soon to be sealed as a family for all time and eternity.  My life has changed forever and my testimony will be forever strengthened because of the kindness, persistence and the patience of so many others.

You had the responsibility to 'Rescue' the Troutman family and because of you we are here today.

My eternal gratitude seems not enough compared to the pure joy in my heart today.